wumpusbait

"You'll need some salt. And a flamethrower."

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:46:58 GMT

Helpdesk call that landed on my desk:

Staff: "Horrible burning smell/screaming noises coming from work area next to ours. Do not know cause. Make it stop."

Me:"..Call for University Exorcist logged. Suggest fleeing area until backup arrives."

(Workcrew grinding away metal bolts in the disused workarea. Horrible noise, horrible smell. Staff Apparently found it too hard to walk 5metres to the area and check for themselves. I'm considering photocopying a number of pentagrams and taping them to various doors in the area.)

"You did what?"

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 22:05:02 GMT

"We have, on campus, some of the smartest minds on the planet. There are people here who will, quite literally, change the world.
...we also have people who have to be physically restrained from sticking their fingers into a electric stapler to see how it works.

...these two groups are not mutally exclusive."

-part of my new training speil...

'Anglophones not welcome here'

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 05:24:29 GMT

..this is possibly the most useful version of Wikipedia I have yet encountered...

That is all.

'Kicking it?'

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 01:40:09 GMT

Conversation of the day: 'Disaster Recovery Plans"

Me:"...oh, our Library has a number of big plastic bins filled with stuff like plastic sheeting, torches, gumboots, sledgehammers, stuff like that. What do you have?"
Them:"420 buckets."
Me:"Sorry?"
Them:"420 buckets."
Me:"...really?"
Them:"Yup."
(Short walk to the storeroom in question)
Them:"See?"
(points at the 15 stacks of buckets, each 3meters high, in the corner. And a shovel.)
Me:"Um. "
Them:"Yeah."
Me:"...so, why do you have...?"
Them:"...I've never been able to get an answer for that."

The Words, they fail me...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:17:33 GMT

Do we feel secure yet?

First response: '...wait, What?'
Second Response: '..You have got to be [censored] Kidding me...'

I'm surprised no-one has suggested locked travellers in leg-irons, to 'ensure passenger safety and security.'

Rant: ...when did this become so hard?...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 14:27:37 GMT

Oh Vista, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways....
..preferably with something heavy and blunt.

The conversion is *not* going well.
(especially with siblings waving Ubuntu discs at me and smirking. Maybe it's time to count them, as well.)

Back to the Beatings.

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 00:43:03 GMT

And today's reading material?

'Statistics for Terrified Biologists '

...and no, I'm not kidding...

(Biologist: 'Hey, Guys, I think I've worked out why our Lab mice are crushing Police cars and eating our research assistants. ...Forgot to carry the 2. My bad.' ;)

'...press 55 to summon a SWAT team...'

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 04:38:31 GMT

An enterprising/bored student has gone through my library and altered every sign that says
'EMERGENCY DOOR RELEASE'
to
'EMERGENCY DOOM RELEASE'.

...which makes me wonder about what a EMERGENCY DOOM is, and in what kind of situations our standard DOOMs just aren't good enough. :)

'Warning: Jules Verne not included...'

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 01:38:17 GMT

As pieces of Style go, this one is rather hard to beat:

SteamPunked

...and now I feel a wierd urge to go play with some clockwork... :)

And now we're learning!!

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 00:02:39 GMT

"...Hello, and welcome to your first day here at the University.
I've noticed you're having some problems getting your Laptop set up here in the Library, and I thought I'd give you some assistance.

Please, Do NOT force a Non-Local power plug into our Local powerpoints.

Electricity is BAD.
Electrocution is BAD.
Expecting Library staff to perform CPR on your Electrocuted and Crispy self is BAD.

This completes today's lesson. Any questions?"

----------------------
Boss:"...er, what did you say to that student?"
Self: "I Educated them. Hard. "

Art: thing.

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 11:44:12 GMT

Aimless poking, resulting in this:

Perils of a distant mailbox (for want of a better title)

...and I dunno. :)

..and we don't even get Bread with this Circus...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:42:15 GMT

Co-worker: "What, you're reading more American Election coverage? Didn't we just go through 6 weeks of this rubbish with our own Federal election?"
Me: "Yup."
Co-Worker: "...so, when is their bloody election?"
M: "November."
C: " ...what?"
M: "November."
C: "... Well, sh!t."

Yeah. Happens all the time.

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 04:11:40 GMT

"Morning. Welcome back from your holiday."
"Urgh. Did I miss anything?"
"No, no, just business as usual, really."
"Ah. ...and the two guys with sledgehammers that are destroying the Reference Desk?"
"Business as usual."
(Distant crash, followed by muffled cursing as a workman drops a wall on his foot.)
"...right. I apparently need more caffiene"
(Another Crash.)
"Yes."

..I'm guessing Lex Luthor doesn't have this problem...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 22:41:46 GMT

So.
...Christmas was eventful.

Starting with someone stealing the Brother's car at 2.30am on Christmas morning.
Followed by a day of searching, police, black depression, and a fairly strained Christmas dinner.

The Good news is that the car was located on Boxing day.
The Bad news is that the [censored] thieves have apparently done a fair bit of damage to the car trying to get it start again.

We believe (and this is entirely speculation, because the Police haven't told us much apart from wanting to hang onto the car for a week or so for Forensics) that the car was used for a robbery.

The Thieves aren't getting my vote for Criminal Mastermind of the Year, though.

Reason 1: They stole a Mazda RX-7, a sportscar which is notorious for being erratically reliable.
2nd Reason: They stole a bright red RX-7 sportscar.
Reason the Third: They stole a bright red RX-7 sportcars with a metre high sticker across the back window that says 'COP BAIT'.

...the only get-away vehicle that would be less inconspicuous would be a Fire-Engine, but I'm guessing they couldn't work out how to hot-wire it.

Also: a Cat broke my Drawing table.
I'm still trying to work out how.

Uh, yeah...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 03:59:26 GMT

Stores Person: "...and here's the new University Wall Calenders for next year. They've added a lot to the Calenders this year, so they may actually be useful! "
Me: "Hey, cool. ...er..."
Stores: "What?"
Me: " ...why do they say '2009'? "
Stores: " ...$#!^. "

Ask me if I'm surprised.
Go on. ;)

...and in one of my last jobs, a officer from SWAT would be asking the questions...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 00:19:23 GMT

'We have a ...question... about this supply requisition you filed yesterday...'
'Hmm?'
'You wanted Bone Knives, a Guillotine, and a....Boomstick?'
"...wha? Oh, wait, that should read ' Broomstick '."
"Oh, that makes more sense. Sort of."

"....can I have a boomstick?"
"No."

Art: simple design, done simply.

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:56:37 GMT

Hmmm....

I could spend my spare time tonight productively leveling that Rogue...

...or...

...I could design a character for something completely vague and unworkable.

Met Teresa ('Terri' ) Adreen, a supporting character (Village Doctor) for a old story idea I found scribbled in a notebook a few days ago.

...Meh.
At least I Felt productive tonight.... :)

Statistics, a many flavoured field...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 05:30:29 GMT

From the Study 'Boredom at School' (1975)

'Subjects: The sample contained 4,618 13 to 16 year-old children. The record of one boy had been nibbled away by a mouse, leaving 4,617 subjects.'

...Huh. I'm not sure we covered the effects of rodent infestations in my Statistics course.... :)

Urgh...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 02:03:59 GMT

Internal Dialogue, 8:25am:
Ok.
Friday morning = not good.
Friday morning at work = Bad.

But I guess I should try and look on the bright side. It's always Something new, everyday.
Wednesday was Interview panels, all day.
On Thursday I was asked to call in Bomb threats to random staff. All day. (for training.)

So, what's our first reference request in the queue?

''THE RISE AND DECLINE OF THE GREATER YAM IN THE SERVICE OF MAN'

..yams.

....in 'the Service of Man'

Right.

Can I go home now?

Art: Faking it...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 12:41:18 GMT

Dammit, I should be sleeping.

...but I'm not.

Maybe I need new subject matter.

...or more caffiene. Much more caffiene. Much much much more.

Art-ed (the Other Half)

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:02:52 GMT

...it is apparent I enjoy doing things the Hard way:

Version 2, of the almost coloured Variety...

Admittedly, I picked a fair bit while fiddling with this one.

(For instance, I learnt the way I was doing certain things is not the way to do certain things. ...and I'd better come up with a better way of doing those certain things. Or Else.)

I'm coming back to this piece and trying some other ideas, I think.
Maybe with some Ziptone effects, if I'm feeling Sadistic.

Art-ed (Halfway)

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 06:53:14 GMT

Because I was in one of those moods:

version 1, of the Greyscale kind..

This is usually the point where I attempt to stop tweaking the lineart and actually start turning it into a practical workpiece.

Colour version tommorrow, hopefully.
(...assuming I can, y'know, work out how...)

And now, back to working on the Tax return.
.....not that I was avoiding it, or anything.

...muffled whimpering....

Art: Wingspeed...

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 21:33:13 GMT

Product of a Art flurry:

Flaps

Practicing 'de Wing Structure.
....And some fan-art, for a change.
(Posted with Permission. :)

"...this isn't in the Art of War, is it?..."

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 05:38:18 GMT

(For those who play MMORPGs. The rest of you can just point and laugh :)

Me: (peeking over the Brother's shoulder at the vast, glittering array of his WoW guild preparing for a Raid.):
"...hey, why is that character taking his armour off?"

Brother:"Oh, well that's needed to deal with-" (Cut to 5 minutes of complex strategic demonstration, complete with sweeping hand gestures, diagrams, and use of small words for his audience.) "...and that's why he's not wearing any clothes."

Me:"...so....you're telling me that, despite having the biggest collection of Shiny Bling/Gear I've *ever* seen assembled in one place in this game, your best defense against most of the monsters in here is a Naked Gnome?"

Brother:"...Um. Yes?"

Me:"...Geez, have *I* been playing this game wrong..."

Apparently this sort of thing happens all the time.
(I'm a casual player. Can you tell? :)

Words fail me. (...obscene gestures, on the other hand...)

mzacher1@yahoo.co.uk — Thu, 31 May 2007 22:31:32 GMT

Head Librarian:"I think the Library should have a Myspace page!"
Me:...<very slight facial twitch>